Post by Mack on Jan 8, 2011 10:03:06 GMT -5
My name is Matt, and I am a reforming verbal abuser and controller,
and I have been working on my recovery for 16 months now.
I realized I was a VAC man at the end of August 2009 when an argument
with my wife got very intense and it got mildly physical. We
separated that night and stayed apart for nearly a month. That first
night, I sat that and thought and the shock and amazement of what I
realize was finally hit me. What I had been putting my wife through
for 8 years. I was, in fact, a verbal abuser and controller. I must
have cried on my parents' couch for 3 straight hours as it all finally
started to sink in.
Never would I have thought I could be an abuser. I was horrified.
After all, I had seen my Dad treat his family that way most of my
life. That was normal. There was nothing wrong with that. Was
there?
Now I know that the answer is a resounding yes.
I started learning about VAC behavior and seeking help. I moved back
home a month later. It's been a lot of ups and downs...but a lot more
ups than downs. I have a stronger relationship with my kids than I
ever did since I faced up to me being abuser. I still fall down
sometimes; but my behavior is not nearly as bad as it once was and
when I catch myself doing it, I can now recognize and correct my
behavior.
This site is a large reason for my change. I am very thankful I found
it, and I still come here and journal every day and give support to my
fellow RVACs whenever I can. All the resources you need to stop and
change your VAC behavior can be found on this site. How you use them
is up to you. You will get out what you put in to stopping VAC
behavior.
If you are a man truly seeking to change your ways, this site can be a
key component in your reform. There are man who will stand with
support, and walk with you on this journey. You are definitely not
alone.
Thanks MEVAC. I will be a member for a long time to come.
RAM
and I have been working on my recovery for 16 months now.
I realized I was a VAC man at the end of August 2009 when an argument
with my wife got very intense and it got mildly physical. We
separated that night and stayed apart for nearly a month. That first
night, I sat that and thought and the shock and amazement of what I
realize was finally hit me. What I had been putting my wife through
for 8 years. I was, in fact, a verbal abuser and controller. I must
have cried on my parents' couch for 3 straight hours as it all finally
started to sink in.
Never would I have thought I could be an abuser. I was horrified.
After all, I had seen my Dad treat his family that way most of my
life. That was normal. There was nothing wrong with that. Was
there?
Now I know that the answer is a resounding yes.
I started learning about VAC behavior and seeking help. I moved back
home a month later. It's been a lot of ups and downs...but a lot more
ups than downs. I have a stronger relationship with my kids than I
ever did since I faced up to me being abuser. I still fall down
sometimes; but my behavior is not nearly as bad as it once was and
when I catch myself doing it, I can now recognize and correct my
behavior.
This site is a large reason for my change. I am very thankful I found
it, and I still come here and journal every day and give support to my
fellow RVACs whenever I can. All the resources you need to stop and
change your VAC behavior can be found on this site. How you use them
is up to you. You will get out what you put in to stopping VAC
behavior.
If you are a man truly seeking to change your ways, this site can be a
key component in your reform. There are man who will stand with
support, and walk with you on this journey. You are definitely not
alone.
Thanks MEVAC. I will be a member for a long time to come.
RAM