Post by Mack on Jan 1, 2011 9:54:23 GMT -5
Agate's Testimonial
I have spent a disappointingly large portion of my life as a verbally abusive and controlling man. The abuse and control, disrespect and manipulation, crazymaking and defining experienced by my wife over the course of nearly two decades ended our 31 year marriage. Even after I had been told that her love for me had died and that she had fallen in love with someone else, I continued to blame her and to assign our problems as a couple to HER fear of intimacy. it was her desire to leave that started my desperate attempt to clear my conscience and to show her once and for all that she was the source of our problems and not me.
She had said that I was verbally abusive and controlling. How could that be? I knew that I loved her. I knew that I had spent my entire adult life doing what I could to show her. I intended to prove to her that she was wrong.
An internet search for information regarding Verbal Abuse and Control introduced me to Patricia Evans. Patricia Evans introduced me to MEVAC.
If you have read Controlling People by Patricia Evans, then you should understand when I tell you that I firmly believe MEVAC to be a very good example of The Compelling Force at work in our lives.
I have been involved with MEVAC for just over 17 months now. First as a visitor, then as a posting member, and soon after as a contributing member of the journals and the weekly Conference Calls.
I am indebted to Patricia Evans for my awareness and understanding of my VAC behavior and it's origins and evolution in my life, as well as my awareness and understanding of the pain and suffering that behavior has caused for the person I was sworn to cherish and protect.
I will also be eternally grateful to MEVAC.
MEVAC gave me hope at a time when I felt I had very little.
MEVAC, from the very first visit, has always felt completely welcoming, positive and inspiring.
MEVAC helped me to realize that I was not alone, and that I definitely had the ability to change.
The MEVAC members with whom I have shared the Journal section of the site have become my brothers. It feels like we have fought a war together - the war against VAC.
With my brother's help and support, I believe I have experienced real success in my reform. Over the course of these nearly 18 months we have worked together, raising our collective awareness as well as our awareness of ourselves. I am grateful for the presence of every single man, each of them has taught me something along the way.
Together, we have developed and shared ideas and tools and philosophies that are helping all of us to change our lives for the better and to grow to become those good men we had always hoped and intended to be.
Many of us who feel we now have a better understanding of VAC behavior and it's origin, also believe we understand that we will be on this path of self discovery and reform for the rest of our lives. And not as a punishment or a penance for sins of the past. To me it feels more like a gift. The gift of the opportunity to get it right. To be awake. To be aware. To learn what it means to have compassion. To learn what it means to really love and to share that love with others. To understand what it really means to be grateful, and to experience that sense of gratitude each and every day for the rest of my life.
I am so fortunate! MEVAC was there, right when I needed it. Thank you MEVAC!
Love and Peace,
Agate
I have spent a disappointingly large portion of my life as a verbally abusive and controlling man. The abuse and control, disrespect and manipulation, crazymaking and defining experienced by my wife over the course of nearly two decades ended our 31 year marriage. Even after I had been told that her love for me had died and that she had fallen in love with someone else, I continued to blame her and to assign our problems as a couple to HER fear of intimacy. it was her desire to leave that started my desperate attempt to clear my conscience and to show her once and for all that she was the source of our problems and not me.
She had said that I was verbally abusive and controlling. How could that be? I knew that I loved her. I knew that I had spent my entire adult life doing what I could to show her. I intended to prove to her that she was wrong.
An internet search for information regarding Verbal Abuse and Control introduced me to Patricia Evans. Patricia Evans introduced me to MEVAC.
If you have read Controlling People by Patricia Evans, then you should understand when I tell you that I firmly believe MEVAC to be a very good example of The Compelling Force at work in our lives.
I have been involved with MEVAC for just over 17 months now. First as a visitor, then as a posting member, and soon after as a contributing member of the journals and the weekly Conference Calls.
I am indebted to Patricia Evans for my awareness and understanding of my VAC behavior and it's origins and evolution in my life, as well as my awareness and understanding of the pain and suffering that behavior has caused for the person I was sworn to cherish and protect.
I will also be eternally grateful to MEVAC.
MEVAC gave me hope at a time when I felt I had very little.
MEVAC, from the very first visit, has always felt completely welcoming, positive and inspiring.
MEVAC helped me to realize that I was not alone, and that I definitely had the ability to change.
The MEVAC members with whom I have shared the Journal section of the site have become my brothers. It feels like we have fought a war together - the war against VAC.
With my brother's help and support, I believe I have experienced real success in my reform. Over the course of these nearly 18 months we have worked together, raising our collective awareness as well as our awareness of ourselves. I am grateful for the presence of every single man, each of them has taught me something along the way.
Together, we have developed and shared ideas and tools and philosophies that are helping all of us to change our lives for the better and to grow to become those good men we had always hoped and intended to be.
Many of us who feel we now have a better understanding of VAC behavior and it's origin, also believe we understand that we will be on this path of self discovery and reform for the rest of our lives. And not as a punishment or a penance for sins of the past. To me it feels more like a gift. The gift of the opportunity to get it right. To be awake. To be aware. To learn what it means to have compassion. To learn what it means to really love and to share that love with others. To understand what it really means to be grateful, and to experience that sense of gratitude each and every day for the rest of my life.
I am so fortunate! MEVAC was there, right when I needed it. Thank you MEVAC!
Love and Peace,
Agate