Post by Soldier on Jun 17, 2015 11:11:21 GMT -5
Hello Jmsing,
Welcome to MEVAC you are already on your way!! I see that you have expressed that it has been a while and you have yet to be accepted on the site as a provisional member. I know this can feel like a terribly long time to wait when you first get here but can tell you that it is more than worth it once the process is complete. The process is also important so that we can feel safe and secure, once we are in the journal area, as we begin to talk about our thoughts and feeling for our other brothers to help us process though. The current site moderator is Agate and he can be reached via email at agatemevac@gmail.com if you want to reach out and see what is going on. I will also attempt to contact him on my end as well at our weekly conference call this Thursday.
While you are finishing your wait I would throughout three books that I often preach about here within the forums that have helped me greatly. For me these three books were different because they were more about offering solutions towards my own reform and recovery as appose to building additional awareness for the problem itself. Awareness is important but at some time we also need to devise plans of action so as to be able to use our awareness to end these behaviors once and for all.
First would be a book called "Love Without Hurt" by Dr. Steven Stosny which helps to outline some tools that we can use to help move us out of our broken hurt state and into a more positive state of value. He also outlines how to change our core values so as to re-wire our brains towards the path of recovery and new solid behaviors. Next would be "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son don Jose Ruiz. This book helps to change our perception on the way we see things in our world. In this change comes a heightened sense of compassion and empathy as we start to learn how our own personal perspective is not always the only one or even the shared one when things are being viewed by others. Along the way this book also helps to build off of Stosny's work by showing us how to better define what our personal place of value can and should look like. Lastly there is one called "Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A 30 Year Abuser Speaks Out" by Austin James. This is a book written from the perspective of an abuser whom finally became aware and was able to make great strides towards recovery and reform for himself. It provides much needed hope and inspiration as well as some interesting ideas and tools that may help you to more quickly get to the root of what caused you to behave this way in the past. This last one is like a level 100 college class in that it goes about 1 foot deep but has a width of a mile as far as material. What I did find within it was an awesome understanding of what I feel is likely to have led me to my current spot as well as some really nice avenues to continue my own research for my personal reform and recovery.
This last book may also be very helpful for your partner as well, assuming that you have one currently, if and when she is in a place where such material interests her as it really could help to outline some of what many abusers have faced that has led to their use of such negative behaviors in the past. A word of caution here though as many ex-victims do not want to be so actively involved in our own recovery and reform process and even when they do often we can face additional anger form our ex-victims as they start to better realize the level of our abuse. It may be best to hold on to books like this until you find your relationship on much more sure footing.
Welcome to MEVAC one more time and know that we are here to help each other and in the process help ourselves. We are all going through similar trials and whenever one man shares, we all grow from it. Keep the patience and know that on the other end of that perseverance will be a large plethora of materials that you will be able to consume and use to aid in your ultimate goal which is to end once and for all these negative behaviors from your life and the lives of those you are closet to. God bless brother.
Welcome to MEVAC you are already on your way!! I see that you have expressed that it has been a while and you have yet to be accepted on the site as a provisional member. I know this can feel like a terribly long time to wait when you first get here but can tell you that it is more than worth it once the process is complete. The process is also important so that we can feel safe and secure, once we are in the journal area, as we begin to talk about our thoughts and feeling for our other brothers to help us process though. The current site moderator is Agate and he can be reached via email at agatemevac@gmail.com if you want to reach out and see what is going on. I will also attempt to contact him on my end as well at our weekly conference call this Thursday.
While you are finishing your wait I would throughout three books that I often preach about here within the forums that have helped me greatly. For me these three books were different because they were more about offering solutions towards my own reform and recovery as appose to building additional awareness for the problem itself. Awareness is important but at some time we also need to devise plans of action so as to be able to use our awareness to end these behaviors once and for all.
First would be a book called "Love Without Hurt" by Dr. Steven Stosny which helps to outline some tools that we can use to help move us out of our broken hurt state and into a more positive state of value. He also outlines how to change our core values so as to re-wire our brains towards the path of recovery and new solid behaviors. Next would be "The Fifth Agreement" by Don Miguel Ruiz and his son don Jose Ruiz. This book helps to change our perception on the way we see things in our world. In this change comes a heightened sense of compassion and empathy as we start to learn how our own personal perspective is not always the only one or even the shared one when things are being viewed by others. Along the way this book also helps to build off of Stosny's work by showing us how to better define what our personal place of value can and should look like. Lastly there is one called "Emotional Abuse: Silent Killer of Marriage - A 30 Year Abuser Speaks Out" by Austin James. This is a book written from the perspective of an abuser whom finally became aware and was able to make great strides towards recovery and reform for himself. It provides much needed hope and inspiration as well as some interesting ideas and tools that may help you to more quickly get to the root of what caused you to behave this way in the past. This last one is like a level 100 college class in that it goes about 1 foot deep but has a width of a mile as far as material. What I did find within it was an awesome understanding of what I feel is likely to have led me to my current spot as well as some really nice avenues to continue my own research for my personal reform and recovery.
This last book may also be very helpful for your partner as well, assuming that you have one currently, if and when she is in a place where such material interests her as it really could help to outline some of what many abusers have faced that has led to their use of such negative behaviors in the past. A word of caution here though as many ex-victims do not want to be so actively involved in our own recovery and reform process and even when they do often we can face additional anger form our ex-victims as they start to better realize the level of our abuse. It may be best to hold on to books like this until you find your relationship on much more sure footing.
Welcome to MEVAC one more time and know that we are here to help each other and in the process help ourselves. We are all going through similar trials and whenever one man shares, we all grow from it. Keep the patience and know that on the other end of that perseverance will be a large plethora of materials that you will be able to consume and use to aid in your ultimate goal which is to end once and for all these negative behaviors from your life and the lives of those you are closet to. God bless brother.